beauty

alright so its been ages since i wrote anything on here. I'm pretty sure no one reads it anyways but its just kind of embarrassing to have a blog and not update it for so long. and i just commented on robnett's blog so in a way, robnett--this is for you. or maybe for my pride b/c my last post wasn't really very good.

I've been really caught up lately in what i am doing. God has been so gracious to reveal to me again, its not really about what i do. and for that matter, its not really about me at all. i get so easily entangled in this--what am i doing, how am i proving that i have faith in Christ. or sometimes--though it may seem noble at first--being ridiculously concerned with whether i am living in obedience; seems like a good thing to be concerned with but for me i fall into a state of double-mindedness, unstable in all my ways, questioning every decision to be made, falling into a state of paralysis--unable to do anything at all. but Jesus said, "I have come so that you may have life, and life abundantly". interesting words.

i have started reading The Shack by william young. God has really used it to remind me that He desires relationship, intimacy. and when i am living in that state of mind, there is life. abundant life. God also reminded me of the beauty of relationship. i have been blessed with so many great friends. and i absolutely love spending time with them. it is honestly my favorite thing to spend quality time with the people i love. and i think this is part of the heart of God. i think He enjoys this too--when i am with my sisters and cannot stop laughing. when i am with friends, reminiscing about old memories and creating new ones along the way. it is life. it is beautiful. there is joy in it.

sometimes i wish i was an artist so i had a greater understanding of beauty. like those musicians who just love good music, whereever it comes from. or photographers (namely tera wages) who can capture the beauty of commonplace things. or avid readers--my sister molly can become absolutely lost in a good book.

i guess i will just do the best with what i have, which is enough. because life is beautiful.

"God formed us for His pleasure, and so formed us that we as well as He can in divine communion enjoy the sweet and mysterious mingling of kindred personalities. He meant us to see Him and live in Him and draw our life from His smile." A.W. Tozer (The Pursuit Of God)